Roaches Found!

For perhaps the first time in the school’s history, the phrase is a cause for rejoice instead of disgust


One of the two cockroaches that went missing for nearly two hours on Friday.

Liam Eifert, Executive Editor

Two Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches that were being kept by Lab Coordinator Ms. Sarah Woelfer went missing Friday morning. About as large as the original iPhone, Lenny and Larry caused quite a stir after an email was sent out to educators in notice of their absence.

“I looked at that email and gasped,” said English Teacher Ms. Wilson. “I’m terrified for my safety,” she professed. Despite this, she said she may have attempted to face her fears head on, “I might go on an adventure today, I have a prep period (during) D, so maybe (I’ll) do a little scavenger hunting to find them, but I also might just avoid them.”

According to Science Teacher Mr. Elliott Grey, the cockroaches were thankfully harmless. He said, “I actually was introduced to Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches when I was in third grade because my third grade teacher had a couple of them. I’m pretty comfortable with them, they have a nice adaptation with the hissing noise and they’re pretty social so I like them.” Senior Ben Jones was a kindred spirit in wishing well for the oversized invertebrae. He said, “I hope they live a long and sustained life. I’m going to feed them.” Mr. Grey, however, showed considerable concern. He said, “My thought is that they probably will not survive in this climate.” 

Mrs. Sarah Woelfer poses with Larry and Lenny a couple of hours after their disappearance.

Thankfully, Lenny and Larry are sensible fellows and didn’t bother to leave the indoor heating, staying right in the same room they started in. Zoology teacher Ms. Sue Mills, insisting that, despite her title, they were not her cockroaches, said, “They’re Mrs. Wolfer’s, they’ve always been in here and I don’t even look at them hardly.” Unlike Mr. Grey, she had no doubt about their survivability if they became loose in the school. She said, “They’ll find something to eat. They’ll go down to the Cafeteria probably and find some lettuce to eat or something.” 

They weren’t wandering for very long, but by their very nature, Lenny and Larry inspired fear and sympathy in precisely that order among those trapped on the Hill with them. More serious observers may see a parable here about immigrants or unanswered questions about how they escaped. As for me, I’ll be checking my lettuce for bite marks.